Much of What Was Once Lost

After a few years, the memories of past times are slowly fading away. It’s no longer just the things we saw, the people we interacted with and the places we were. For me it felt like the world around me was crumbling down on itself. I was lost in a labyrinth and my thoughts were overwhelmed by its complexity. With all my heart, I still don’t understand how this could have happened. How could I not have seen it coming? And yet I didn’t really know what to do. I had the right to go but I didn’t think there would be anyone who would care about me at that moment.

The very last time I spoke to my husband it came with a sense of sorrow and despair that he must now sit with his wife and look after her through their final years together. He doesn’t feel happy for a simple reason although he loves her so much he couldn’t imagine ever losing her. But as time passes, I wonder whether he really still did. Would he ever see her again, if she was still alive to say them words? Will her smile still light up the room? If her eyes see the world for one more second, one last second, will everything be alright? Or will they only see the shadows and pain which will haunt her every waking moment?

It is hard to leave the man who has loved you so much, even when your own body stops caring and your mind begins to fade into madness. You are no longer able to remember the memories or the good times because the ones that you thought mattered most are already behind you. They need to be erased in order for you to start over again. But do you know what else has been taken from you? Your life, your soul, your spirit… your identity. Everything that makes you special, unique. All that makes you you.

It is often said that “we are what we repeatedly do with little or no change. Excellence is constant repetition followed by renewal. Innovation is doing nothing but repeating what you have always done to get better at it. This is true, in addition to being an extremely useful tool in any pursuit, especially in creative endeavors. What we call our art or talents is actually nothing but habit and routine. By repeating certain actions over and over until it becomes automatic, we become much more efficient than we were otherwise. A great artist is someone who never stops moving forward, thinking of new ways of doing things and exploring different avenues. When you stay in the same area, you start to see ideas come to you quite naturally without really trying to think too much about them. Being constantly engaged with those qualities can make you much more effective in whatever you’re trying to achieve. Just focus on one thing at any given time. One thing you can always tell and watch out for is that everyone around you, including yourself will eventually find a way of getting what they want in life. The best opportunities lie within. Not only can you take full advantage of them however, you can also learn how to develop a strategy of attack and keep refining it as you go along. While doing so, you should also be sure to avoid making mistakes in order keep improving. These are both important parts of learning in general. You can find new ways of doing things and improve on areas where you feel weak. Most people struggle with the process of reflection on everything they do. We usually only pay attention to a small part of how we go about doing things. Thinking of these things back, it gives us something to reflect upon. Reflecting on what I’ve done, how I think and what I’ve noticed and noted down. So many of us fall into the same pattern. As you move through life, you continuously remind yourself of the fact or things that happened and how you think. It’s a cycle that’s bound to end and repeat over and over until things will begin to become easier. Things will change but if you keep doing the same things over and over again then you’ll keep reaching the same point until you reach the same place. Don’t try and convince yourself that you’re making progress when you’re failing miserably. In order to become truly successful it takes time and patience. It’s going to happen but you have to accept it and move beyond it. Make sure you ask a lot of questions, learn what other people think and act upon it.

If everyone were to follow these principles on their days off then life wouldn’t seem so confusing. People talk about why do we work harder when we’re supposed to relax and have fun? Why do we have habits but don’t stop pushing ourselves so hard? Of course, they are correct. Our minds are filled with a massive amount of information that needs to be processed and analysed and dealt with. Life is demanding and it demands effort and attention. There’s no room in your brain for anything else until you’ve got that clear mind set. To work well, you have to focus and let your mind wander. To focus you cannot simply continue making the same mistake over and over again. Focus, focus and analyse. Let your eyes open wide and ask yourself if you can still get anything meaningful out of it. Be careful and consider the possibilities and don’t underestimate the power of repetition. Try to explore and discover unknown paths and ways of doing things. Look deep inside yourself and examine every possibility rather than trying to force it. Take action instead of talking yourself out of taking action and simply keep going. Even though we’re living our lives on autopilot, often that isn’t exactly what we need. We need to be able to push ourselves when we’re feeling low and use our ability to think and act to control our circumstances. We need to learn to give up some control and stop letting anyone control what we do. We need to make some changes so we can live a bit more life and a bit more freedom.

When we lose someone close, it can be devastating. We shouldn’t just be devastated by the loss of others but by it, ourselves. Sometimes we try so hard to be perfect that we miss completely the beauty of life. Our relationships are the first line between love and life. Maybe they were worth fighting for and maybe they weren’t but they’d still be alive and breathing. Something as fleeting, fleeting as a friendship can be transformed into everlasting love in time. Like flowers passing from season to season with each passing day without notice. They bloom each day. They bloomed yesterday and tomorrow. Their beautiful colours are a reminder to each of us that we could have been friends with them for a life long time. Perhaps we were. When they pass, their bright leaves scatter across our path and their presence marks the change in our world. Someone so perfectly imperfect in the grand scheme of things may be better than what we were capable of. We should not allow ourselves to be jealous of how they are so beautiful that we barely get to appreciate them ourselves. Sure, it’s painful losing someone so perfectly imperfect but the beauty of life is that there’s always another person who has the same imperfections. An imperfect human being is still a human and deserves the love and respect that we can give her. Don’t forget to appreciate them, they deserve it. At least the next time you need someone, just remember that someone out there has it worse than you. Somebody who you can stand behind in the dark when you’ve found nothing but darkness.